coming to terms ...

finally coming to terms with, and admitting publicly, that my camera was lost/stolen.  yep, it's gone. 

it happened back on august 19th at holstein park, the same day piper was modeling her little swimsuit.  as we were leaving the park, i stopped at a bench to feed her.  i set the camera on the bench next to me. it was my first time breastfeeding in public.  i was very proud of myself.  as i was strapping her back into the stroller, i was apparently also very distracted and walked away from the bench.  then i realized that i left the camera behind me (with an enormous thud in my heart!), turned back, and it was gone! 

like a weirdo, i asked everyone nearby if they saw a camera on the bench.  i stood there forever, hoping the person who took it would see me, devastated and crying, and bring it back.  i stayed by that bench, hoping that when this person saw the pictures of my little baby on the memory card, they would bring the camera back.

reluctantly, i left my post and went inside the rec center to ask if anyone had turned a camera in to the lost&found. then i went back to the bench.  then i went back to the rec center and asked again.  i was besides myself.

then i called patrick to tell him what a huge idiot i was - to lose our camera when our new baby was four weeks old. to lose the camera that he gave to me as a gift. i cried some more.

then i filed a police report, while standing by the bench. and i checked the lost&found at the rec center again.  then asked some more strangers if they saw my camera. finally, i realized my camera wasn't going to reappear, and i sulked home. 

the next day, we put in a claim with our homeowner's insurance. if it is not approved, no replacement camera for devon.  i've also been checking craigslist for someone who might be selling my camera. no luck.

i know it's just a material item, but i have been so upset my stomach hurts. 

but to put things in perspective, at least i didn't lose the baby!

here's the baby i didn't lose!

and in the upper right, our late nikon.

the quilt was made by piper's great-great-grandmother mabel.

piper's birth story: the rest of the morning + the afternoon

10:30am a nurse came in and inserted a lovely foley catheter since the epidural now confined me to the bed (no restroom trips!).

11:00am the doctor came in and checked me, and i was 90% effaced! i had only dilated another centimeter, but in first time moms usually effacing happens first.

the nurse said i might be glad to know that i had probably timed my epidural well because contractions sometimes come on stronger once the cervix is completely effaced.

11:30am my brother showed up at the hospital and came on in to say hi. i suggested that the boys go grab some lunch so that i could try to nap a little.

12:00pm i could not believe it was noon already. the morning went by in the blink of an eye. i felt like i just got there. my contractions were getting stronger and i was glad to have a little quiet time to myself.

the magic button
i rested, but could not fall asleep, as the contractions were hurting worse.  so i turned to the little "magic button" that would dispense a little more epidural for break-through pain.  it is limited to three presses per hour, but the anesthesiologist can adjust the constant drip dosage or the break-through dosage if needed.

1:30pm the boys were back and i had not really rested yet.  we had brought movies, but i didn't feel like watching them.  their chatter was grating on my sensitive state so eventually i asked them if they'd hang out in the lobby. they had a game with them and it was no problem.

i tried to nap, but napping through contractions IN A HOSPITAL is a total joke.  every half hour, the blood pressure machine would squeeze the bejeeeezus out of my arm.  and every half hour the nurse would come in and take my temperature.  but of course they didn't sync, so every 15 minutes i was interrupted by one or the other.  plus the beeping of everything.  and one of my IV alarms went off because a back up battery was low. 

and the contractions.  oh, magic button.

so after an hour, at least i had rested a little, but no napping had really occured.  i couldn't believe it was already 3pm.

3:00pm the doctor checked me: 100% effaced and 8cm!! great progress! we discussed what i wanted to do when i was complete. i was going to use a strategy called "laboring down" where instead of pushing right away, i'd let my body and the contractions do the work of moving the baby further into the birth canal while i conserved my energy.  i'd do this until i felt an overwhelming urge to push. 

i figured that if i progressed a centimeter an hour (average rate with being induced), i was two hours from being complete.

4:00pm my contractions were strong and i was definitely feeling new sorts of pressure.  so i called patrick from the lobby.  i felt like things were changing and needed him in there now!  he reminded me to breathe, like a good husband/partner/coach, "cleansing breath!"

4:30pm complete!
just then, the doctor came in and checked me.  i was complete!  it was time to labor down... he also said that he was heading into his second c-section of the day and he'd come see me right after, guessing i'd be ready to start pushing in about an hour.

more love the love

a little bit more about the sweetness that was shared with us ... again, i wish i could write about everything.  thank you to everyone who has helped us with piper's arrival.  couldn't have made it through this first month without everyone. seriously. big group hug!

homemade pesto package & banana walnut cake - from tara

a baby/birthday combo package!

inside the green bag, there were two jars of pesto.  one was a basil walnut and the other was a parsley pesto, if my memory serves correct.  we opened the basil walnut and it is simply amazing. the pesto really carried us through a few nights, as we used it once over pasta, and another time by livening up our boar's head turkey sandwiches. (the irises in the photo were from my SeaWorld team at work, and the other flowers were the longer-living survivors from the pretty, pretty flowers that trishy sent!)

inside the tissue wrapped beauty was a banana walnut cake!

that little label is even hand-decorated.  the stripes at the bottom were created with tape, and quite a sweet touch.

patrick told me a few times how good this was.  think that was some kind of hint??

"bakery" box - from ali

check out how cute this is ... a little bakery box full of little onesies and washcloths 'disguised' as lollipops and cupcakes. way too cute!

janie & jack - from nikki

a sweet, sweet outfit from my friend nikki (scripps '05) who now lives in delaware. she is expecting baby #2 soon! the outfit is for 24mos i believe and i kind of can't wait for piper to wear this, but on the other hand, i kind of want her to stay tiny!

assorted loot- from aunt&uncle, tove, and tove's daughter

items on the left are from my mother's brother's family

the red wool jumper is from tove - it it's from  norway, it will keep my baby warm!

and the coral colored romper was sent along from tove's daughter, who also has a little girl - it was so sweet of her to send our baby a gift!

 

quilt - from kate

if you have never hopped onto kate's blog (on my sidebar), she is a VERY talented quilter.  she made piper a beautiful quilt and it was even ready before piper was!

 

i love how some of the little pinwheels extend into the border like that pink one on the top

it even came complete with a title and a label!  a true work of art!

 

pack n play & carseat - from mary harper

and for the last installment today, two special items that we use every. single. day. ... our beautiful pack n' play and our carseat.  they are from mary, katherine's momma!  imagine our excitement when she sent these for our little girl! big time excitement!! piper sleeps in the pack n play next to our bed.  and the carseat snaps into our stroller as an infant attachment, so pipes can venture into the neighborhood on a daily basis!

 there is the carseat snapped into the BOB

(the bob being from a dozen of the most awesome ladies ever!!)

piper's birth story: epidural power-on!

non-related note: woah everyone has updated their blogs at the same time! i've read them all on my blackberry, but it's a pain in the a** to comment from the bb so i'll have to catch up on comments when i can get back to my laptop!

epidural power-on!

9:35am luckily we knew from our "great expectations" class that patrick would be asked to leave the room for the epidural. this is requested under the guise that it is for maintaining a sterile environment, but we all know it is because the husbands pass out! 

we also knew beforehand that it could be a resident or fellow administering the epidural, as opposed to a lead physician, unless a specific request otherwise is made.  we discussed the pros and cons and decided that we were fine with whichever doctor we had (while some people are nervous with newer docs, we figured they are more careful and older ones can get lazy, so it didn't matter to us either way).

the anesthesiologist came in and asked if it was ok if a med student watched on (it is a teaching hospital) and i said that was fine.  the neat thing about that, was that i could hear him explaining each little step.

so i sat on the edge of the bed and was asked to slump and completely relax. kindly, the nurse held my hands.  i called behind me, "you're going to do this BETWEEN contractions, right??" and the response was, "well, we can start between contractions." oh boy. not easy to stay slumped over completely relaxed when there is an overwhelming contraction taking over your body.

so the anesthesiologiest went ahead and numbed the local area and then started on in with the big ol' needle.  something was not right.  not, not right.  i voiced it, the nurse asked what it felt like.  i said it was hard to explain ... she said is it like a "zinger?"  "yes!" and they pulled out the needle. 

so, the anesthesiologist remained quite calm, and walked the student through what could have been wrong.  "the space between those two vertebrae could be too small, or," something like, "the angle could have been slightly off."

so they went for attempt #2.

yikes! the same thing happened!

i was super calm through this and not freaking out. i wasn't scared about the big needle imposing permanent damage upon my spine, really. my primary concern was that they were going to tell me, "sorry, you just weren't built for this" and that i would be denied the pain medication. 

at this point, there was a little commotion and the Attending came in and introduced herself.  at first i thought she was there to bear the bad news.  then it was clear they were going for attempt #3.

i fully expected that the attending was going to take over.  but no.  she stood behind me, but just to observe.  oddly, this comforted me, as i decided it meant she was confident in this doctor.  the same doctor explained to the med student that the cavity between those two vertabrae must be too small, and that he should have moved up a vertabra last time.  even though he admitted that he should have done it another way, i think it was implicit that there was no way for him to know without the second attempt what the cause of the problem was.  so he set up for the new location.

in they went again, better this time.  then, yikes, once the needle was in there, i got another wave of that "you've hit a nerve" feeling.  the attending asked if the pain was to the left or right, i said it was ever so slightly to the left, and she said it was just brushing against nerves and would subside, and sure enough it did. 

voila.
the medicine was injected.
the catheter thread into place.
and presto.
almost instantly the contractions seemed to disappear.

the story might sound a little scary, but nothing about it seemed to faze the doctors or the nurses, which made me feel completely comfortable. it was all handled as if it was totally routine.  and while there were a few seconds of that feeling like when you hit your funny bone, or a nerve at the dentist, it was just a few seconds each.  so overall, i'd say it didn't really hurt much.

patrick was allowed back in.

the nurses spouted off notes to each other.

and patrick jotted down the following into my notes:

10:08am epirdural power-on!

piper's fourth week: days 22 to 28

piper's fourth week

days 22 to 28

dear piper, you have been having a hard time most days and have become increasingly fussy. however, you seem to love attention and show off your sleeping and quiet alertness skills when friends visit! it is amazing how much stronger your neck muscles have become and how you love to try and use them to look around.  you started taking your pacifier, which has made you somewhat happier when all you need is a little sucking motion to soothe yourself.  your baby acne has gotten worse, aggravated by the heat as well as by your baby screaming fits, but you are still beautiful!