coming to terms ...

finally coming to terms with, and admitting publicly, that my camera was lost/stolen.  yep, it's gone. 

it happened back on august 19th at holstein park, the same day piper was modeling her little swimsuit.  as we were leaving the park, i stopped at a bench to feed her.  i set the camera on the bench next to me. it was my first time breastfeeding in public.  i was very proud of myself.  as i was strapping her back into the stroller, i was apparently also very distracted and walked away from the bench.  then i realized that i left the camera behind me (with an enormous thud in my heart!), turned back, and it was gone! 

like a weirdo, i asked everyone nearby if they saw a camera on the bench.  i stood there forever, hoping the person who took it would see me, devastated and crying, and bring it back.  i stayed by that bench, hoping that when this person saw the pictures of my little baby on the memory card, they would bring the camera back.

reluctantly, i left my post and went inside the rec center to ask if anyone had turned a camera in to the lost&found. then i went back to the bench.  then i went back to the rec center and asked again.  i was besides myself.

then i called patrick to tell him what a huge idiot i was - to lose our camera when our new baby was four weeks old. to lose the camera that he gave to me as a gift. i cried some more.

then i filed a police report, while standing by the bench. and i checked the lost&found at the rec center again.  then asked some more strangers if they saw my camera. finally, i realized my camera wasn't going to reappear, and i sulked home. 

the next day, we put in a claim with our homeowner's insurance. if it is not approved, no replacement camera for devon.  i've also been checking craigslist for someone who might be selling my camera. no luck.

i know it's just a material item, but i have been so upset my stomach hurts. 

but to put things in perspective, at least i didn't lose the baby!

here's the baby i didn't lose!

and in the upper right, our late nikon.

the quilt was made by piper's great-great-grandmother mabel.

piper's birth story: the rest of the morning + the afternoon

10:30am a nurse came in and inserted a lovely foley catheter since the epidural now confined me to the bed (no restroom trips!).

11:00am the doctor came in and checked me, and i was 90% effaced! i had only dilated another centimeter, but in first time moms usually effacing happens first.

the nurse said i might be glad to know that i had probably timed my epidural well because contractions sometimes come on stronger once the cervix is completely effaced.

11:30am my brother showed up at the hospital and came on in to say hi. i suggested that the boys go grab some lunch so that i could try to nap a little.

12:00pm i could not believe it was noon already. the morning went by in the blink of an eye. i felt like i just got there. my contractions were getting stronger and i was glad to have a little quiet time to myself.

the magic button
i rested, but could not fall asleep, as the contractions were hurting worse.  so i turned to the little "magic button" that would dispense a little more epidural for break-through pain.  it is limited to three presses per hour, but the anesthesiologist can adjust the constant drip dosage or the break-through dosage if needed.

1:30pm the boys were back and i had not really rested yet.  we had brought movies, but i didn't feel like watching them.  their chatter was grating on my sensitive state so eventually i asked them if they'd hang out in the lobby. they had a game with them and it was no problem.

i tried to nap, but napping through contractions IN A HOSPITAL is a total joke.  every half hour, the blood pressure machine would squeeze the bejeeeezus out of my arm.  and every half hour the nurse would come in and take my temperature.  but of course they didn't sync, so every 15 minutes i was interrupted by one or the other.  plus the beeping of everything.  and one of my IV alarms went off because a back up battery was low. 

and the contractions.  oh, magic button.

so after an hour, at least i had rested a little, but no napping had really occured.  i couldn't believe it was already 3pm.

3:00pm the doctor checked me: 100% effaced and 8cm!! great progress! we discussed what i wanted to do when i was complete. i was going to use a strategy called "laboring down" where instead of pushing right away, i'd let my body and the contractions do the work of moving the baby further into the birth canal while i conserved my energy.  i'd do this until i felt an overwhelming urge to push. 

i figured that if i progressed a centimeter an hour (average rate with being induced), i was two hours from being complete.

4:00pm my contractions were strong and i was definitely feeling new sorts of pressure.  so i called patrick from the lobby.  i felt like things were changing and needed him in there now!  he reminded me to breathe, like a good husband/partner/coach, "cleansing breath!"

4:30pm complete!
just then, the doctor came in and checked me.  i was complete!  it was time to labor down... he also said that he was heading into his second c-section of the day and he'd come see me right after, guessing i'd be ready to start pushing in about an hour.

more love the love

a little bit more about the sweetness that was shared with us ... again, i wish i could write about everything.  thank you to everyone who has helped us with piper's arrival.  couldn't have made it through this first month without everyone. seriously. big group hug!

homemade pesto package & banana walnut cake - from tara

a baby/birthday combo package!

inside the green bag, there were two jars of pesto.  one was a basil walnut and the other was a parsley pesto, if my memory serves correct.  we opened the basil walnut and it is simply amazing. the pesto really carried us through a few nights, as we used it once over pasta, and another time by livening up our boar's head turkey sandwiches. (the irises in the photo were from my SeaWorld team at work, and the other flowers were the longer-living survivors from the pretty, pretty flowers that trishy sent!)

inside the tissue wrapped beauty was a banana walnut cake!

that little label is even hand-decorated.  the stripes at the bottom were created with tape, and quite a sweet touch.

patrick told me a few times how good this was.  think that was some kind of hint??

"bakery" box - from ali

check out how cute this is ... a little bakery box full of little onesies and washcloths 'disguised' as lollipops and cupcakes. way too cute!

janie & jack - from nikki

a sweet, sweet outfit from my friend nikki (scripps '05) who now lives in delaware. she is expecting baby #2 soon! the outfit is for 24mos i believe and i kind of can't wait for piper to wear this, but on the other hand, i kind of want her to stay tiny!

assorted loot- from aunt&uncle, tove, and tove's daughter

items on the left are from my mother's brother's family

the red wool jumper is from tove - it it's from  norway, it will keep my baby warm!

and the coral colored romper was sent along from tove's daughter, who also has a little girl - it was so sweet of her to send our baby a gift!

 

quilt - from kate

if you have never hopped onto kate's blog (on my sidebar), she is a VERY talented quilter.  she made piper a beautiful quilt and it was even ready before piper was!

 

i love how some of the little pinwheels extend into the border like that pink one on the top

it even came complete with a title and a label!  a true work of art!

 

pack n play & carseat - from mary harper

and for the last installment today, two special items that we use every. single. day. ... our beautiful pack n' play and our carseat.  they are from mary, katherine's momma!  imagine our excitement when she sent these for our little girl! big time excitement!! piper sleeps in the pack n play next to our bed.  and the carseat snaps into our stroller as an infant attachment, so pipes can venture into the neighborhood on a daily basis!

 there is the carseat snapped into the BOB

(the bob being from a dozen of the most awesome ladies ever!!)

piper's birth story: epidural power-on!

non-related note: woah everyone has updated their blogs at the same time! i've read them all on my blackberry, but it's a pain in the a** to comment from the bb so i'll have to catch up on comments when i can get back to my laptop!

epidural power-on!

9:35am luckily we knew from our "great expectations" class that patrick would be asked to leave the room for the epidural. this is requested under the guise that it is for maintaining a sterile environment, but we all know it is because the husbands pass out! 

we also knew beforehand that it could be a resident or fellow administering the epidural, as opposed to a lead physician, unless a specific request otherwise is made.  we discussed the pros and cons and decided that we were fine with whichever doctor we had (while some people are nervous with newer docs, we figured they are more careful and older ones can get lazy, so it didn't matter to us either way).

the anesthesiologist came in and asked if it was ok if a med student watched on (it is a teaching hospital) and i said that was fine.  the neat thing about that, was that i could hear him explaining each little step.

so i sat on the edge of the bed and was asked to slump and completely relax. kindly, the nurse held my hands.  i called behind me, "you're going to do this BETWEEN contractions, right??" and the response was, "well, we can start between contractions." oh boy. not easy to stay slumped over completely relaxed when there is an overwhelming contraction taking over your body.

so the anesthesiologiest went ahead and numbed the local area and then started on in with the big ol' needle.  something was not right.  not, not right.  i voiced it, the nurse asked what it felt like.  i said it was hard to explain ... she said is it like a "zinger?"  "yes!" and they pulled out the needle. 

so, the anesthesiologist remained quite calm, and walked the student through what could have been wrong.  "the space between those two vertebrae could be too small, or," something like, "the angle could have been slightly off."

so they went for attempt #2.

yikes! the same thing happened!

i was super calm through this and not freaking out. i wasn't scared about the big needle imposing permanent damage upon my spine, really. my primary concern was that they were going to tell me, "sorry, you just weren't built for this" and that i would be denied the pain medication. 

at this point, there was a little commotion and the Attending came in and introduced herself.  at first i thought she was there to bear the bad news.  then it was clear they were going for attempt #3.

i fully expected that the attending was going to take over.  but no.  she stood behind me, but just to observe.  oddly, this comforted me, as i decided it meant she was confident in this doctor.  the same doctor explained to the med student that the cavity between those two vertabrae must be too small, and that he should have moved up a vertabra last time.  even though he admitted that he should have done it another way, i think it was implicit that there was no way for him to know without the second attempt what the cause of the problem was.  so he set up for the new location.

in they went again, better this time.  then, yikes, once the needle was in there, i got another wave of that "you've hit a nerve" feeling.  the attending asked if the pain was to the left or right, i said it was ever so slightly to the left, and she said it was just brushing against nerves and would subside, and sure enough it did. 

voila.
the medicine was injected.
the catheter thread into place.
and presto.
almost instantly the contractions seemed to disappear.

the story might sound a little scary, but nothing about it seemed to faze the doctors or the nurses, which made me feel completely comfortable. it was all handled as if it was totally routine.  and while there were a few seconds of that feeling like when you hit your funny bone, or a nerve at the dentist, it was just a few seconds each.  so overall, i'd say it didn't really hurt much.

patrick was allowed back in.

the nurses spouted off notes to each other.

and patrick jotted down the following into my notes:

10:08am epirdural power-on!

piper's fourth week: days 22 to 28

piper's fourth week

days 22 to 28

dear piper, you have been having a hard time most days and have become increasingly fussy. however, you seem to love attention and show off your sleeping and quiet alertness skills when friends visit! it is amazing how much stronger your neck muscles have become and how you love to try and use them to look around.  you started taking your pacifier, which has made you somewhat happier when all you need is a little sucking motion to soothe yourself.  your baby acne has gotten worse, aggravated by the heat as well as by your baby screaming fits, but you are still beautiful!

piper's third week: days 15 to 21

this week you met your grandpa frank!

 

piper's third week

days 15 to 21

 

dear piper, this week you met your grandpa frank, while you were still just over 2 weeks old. the first thing he did when he got here was scoop you right up! we also got to go on a picnic with grandpa frank, "bestemor" tove, uncle ryan and wendy.  we also all went out to dinner for your dad's birthday. this week was full of family fun!

• the first time you took to your pacifier was from tove, but you wouldn't end up doing that again for another week.
• you love to stretch your arms and legs out: S-T-R-E-T-C-H-!
• you are getting a healthy little double chin!
• you are also getting very, very fussy and you poor thing, you are very gassy - we started trying everything we could find to make you feel better
• you also started getting baby acne
• breastfeeding was really, really hard this week ... not for you, but for me
• your dad says that my "mama bear" instincts really started kicking in this week and i started to get very protective of you!

piper's second week: days 8 to 14

piper's second week

days 8-14

 

dear piper, after a busy first week full of meeting friends, week two held a little less commotion by comparison. while you don't seem to mind meeting people or going out to dinner, your exhausted mom and dad needed the slower pace. that's because you've completely taken our breath away, in the best possible way. 

our sweet little doll

i didn't crop this and you can see my toes at the bottom of the picture :)

• your tiny flailing arms have not ceased to be the cutest things i've ever seen
• those startle reflexes while we're out on walks still entertain us to no end
• you managed to shoot shit across the kitchen while i was giving you a sponge bath.  i busted out laughing.  then called to your dad, who was in the shower and couldn't hear me. then, with a nakey, slippery, poopy baby in my hands on the countertop, i burst into tears. talk about over-tired!
• you have no predictable feeding or sleeping schedule, but you do tend to sleep for longer stretches during the night - once even 5 hours in a row! 
• you started making little squeaks, actually kind of a "meep" sound.  your dad loves it.
• you look so tiny when your dad holds you
• he calls you "fussy bunny" (but since i'm semi-deaf, i thought he was calling you "fuzzy bunny")
• your little hands and feet started peeling.  you're molting.  it's normal.
• at your doctor appointment, you gained back the weight you lost in your first week, and weighed in at 7lbs 12oz, 2oz over your birth weight

piper's first week: days 1-7

piper's first week

days 1-7

dear piper, welcome to the world! you are a beautiful and healthy baby! your first week was completely surreal. even looking back, it still seems like it was/is all a dream. it was a busy week full of new adjustments, but we loved spending lots of family time with our little girl. it was wonderful that your dad was able to take some time off of work. sometimes we'd just sit there and stare at you, pretty girl!

• your skin tone is gorgeous, almost tan. but you likely won't retain it, and will probably become as fair as your mother! oh yeah, you're getting irish skin from both sides of your family!
• we love it when you open your big blue eyes
• you met lots of friends in your first week, including uncle ryan, wendy, cousin kiira, leslie, jamie, christine, nikolai, katherine, amy and elaine
• you went for your first walk through the neighborhood. you love your stroller and the carseat that fits into it.
• you went to your first bar (mom and dad have to eat!)
• at your four-day doctor appointment, you lost within10% of your body weight, down to 6lbs 14oz, and the doctor said you are doing well!

love the love.

just want to take a moment to quickly post about some of the sweet things our friends have brought/sent our way since the little pooper arrived ... it warms our hearts to think our friends would treat our new little family so well!

cards

thank you so much for the outpouring of cards!  too many to mention them all, but recent(-ish) arrivals include notes from courtney, catherine, amber (who is in uganda, so i don't know how she did that) ... they are so fun to have on our mantle!

cake - the kantaharas

when les and jamie were here on days 3 & 4 they brought a celebratory cake! 

and we were stoked to eat it!

spinach lasagna - the bonkos

a lifesaver that helped us survive our first weeks. and oh so delicious. 

there's the giant lasagna, next to a janie and jack gift from nikki and a gift from my cousin chelsea who had a baby two weeks before me.

sweet l'enfant goodies - from tina

latitude enfant stuffed bunny toy and stroller bar cow that plays music.

plus mini baby socks and squeezably cute cupcake tee (that came in that little postcard box).

i really love the simplicity of that bunny toy!!

Legend has it that the French creator of these cuddly Grannimals was inspired by her Grandmother. She recalls her Granny creating ten different animals, each one different, inspired by her ten grandchildren. Each one was knitted to reflect their character. When Granny was done, each one was placed in a beautifully decorated shoe box. The creator still remembers the day she received hers and how from that moment on, it never left her side, bringing her constant comfort and joy. We are sure that this soft and cuddly creature will be your child’s life long friend.

baby package - from debi

from one mama to another, including music, a handmade bib (with a darling little "made by" tag) and a teething ring necklace (clever!)

onesies - from a vendor at work, they cracked me up

beautiful books - from aunt b.

(amber's aunt, but i can't help but refer to her with aunt in the name!) even the wrapping paper was pretty! look at these gems! the wizard of oz pop-up is amazing ... a great start to piper's library.

from classics to princess to pop-up!

birth story: contractions

... continued from part 1 and part 2 ...

(hey dad, ryan, there are a couple kinda girly things in this part. read at your own discretion.)

7:00am dr. f arrived into town, fresh in from michigan. goodmorning!

7:15am after taking a looksy, he broke my water.  this was to augment labor. i was a little surprised, i didn't know it would be manual, nor did i know it would be so early on.  and yep, they used something that looks like a crochet hook. 

7:30am i continued to feel the contractions in my lower back, and was amazed to find out that this is what contractions feel like.  not at all what i expected.  it really felt like i was going to get my period.  i thought that was just a sign before you started having contractions, not that those sensations were actually the contractions! i pictured that the pain from the contraction would extend higher and wrap itself around my entire uterus.  i thought i'd be able to feel the uterus contracting like i did with some braxton hicks in month 5. but all i really felt was the pain from the contraction., low and in my back.

as i tried to rest, so did patrick. he refused to bring a pillow, hence the duffle bag head rest.

8:00am contractions were getting stronger and closer together (1.5 minutes).  ice chips - the only thing this hospital allows you to eat or drink while in labor - were my new best friend.

seriously, more ice chips?

patrick was very busy resting for the big event.

8:30am the nurses turned down the pitocin so that i could rest a little between contractions.  patrick and i learned from one of the nurses how to read my monitor, how to read the screen that shows what was going on in all the other rooms, how the graphs were not relative to each other, and how to see the progress of our nurse's other patient.  hightly educational. and entertaining.

my monitor: baby's heart rate in the blue range. contractions on bottom graph. average 2 minutes apart when this photo was taken.

9:30am after another hour of experiencing increasingly stronger contractions, i decided to request the epidural. this is how i would describe the feeling at this point:

let's say i felt this pain on a normal non-pregnant day while walking on michigan ave., at the grocery store, or at work. i would have no choice but to stop whatever it was i was doing - like immediately - and curl into a ball on the ground in public and ask someone to please find help. 

i walked around the room a little since i knew i'd be stuck in bed after they started the epidural. patrick rubbed my back some, but the anethesiologist came quickly and patrick was asked to leave the room.

... to be continued ...

birth story: continued

wednesday
and so we got ready, collected our bags and headed out to have a baby! i was surprised at how active the baby seemed. i figured she was just excited. as for me, i think i felt kind of calm. except maybe on the train my temper flared.

4:50am we took the blue line downtown and hopped a cab to prentice women's hospital. (sidenote: patrick says it only took a few seconds, but i swear no one offered me a seat at first. love that i was on my way to hospital to HAVE the baby, and everyone on the train played 'maybe someone else will offer their seat.")

5:25am we arrived at the hospital, where brian of valet helped me out of the car and serenaded my belly with 'happy birthday to you."

5:30am we were admitted and headed upstairs to our labor+delivery room.

sunrise from our room

6:00am i was hooked up to the external monitors.  the nurse said, 'oh, did you know you're having contractions?  do you feel that?' 

ha!  i thought that was just the baby moving and putting some extra pressure on me!!  i didn't know those cramps were actually contractions! they weren't close enough together though... so pitocin, here we go!

6:30am i was hooked up to the pitocin and contractions continued. the nurse said that someone from anesthesiology would be in to talk to me.

7:00am i was briefed on the epidural procedure and asked if i wanted it yet. even though i was advised by some to take it as soon as the option presented itself - because there is no telling the next time the anesthesiologist would be available - i wasn't ready.  i wanted to feel what these contractions were like. at least a little.

... to be continued ... 

birth story: part one, of many

Piper's Birth Story

i'll have to share piper's birth story in installments, or it will never get posted/written!

week 39
it kind of started with my week 39 week appointment, which was on july 12th.  after we checked progress (i was 2cm dilated and 50% effaced), my doctor was very happy and actually offered to schedule an inducement for two days later!!  this caught me completely off guard. this idea had NEVER crossed my mind.  i didn't even know they offered this sort of thing.  and i was in a completely different mindset, since during the previous appointment i asked how long we'd let the itty bitty stay in there (which would have been until july 28, barring any distress to the baby).  i was in no hurry to rush her.

so the reason he offered to induce?  completely elective - we knew he'd be out of town on vacation the week of my due date, so he offered in case i wanted to ensure a delivery with him but only because he was encouraged by my progress and believed chances were good it would be a productive inducement. however, it just felt too early to me and didn't feel right.  so the offer was turned down. 

week 40
my due date came, and passed, as i expected.  it was kind of fun to sit at benefit, getting my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted (so unneccessary), and have people ask when i was due. to which i'd get to respond with a triumphant, "today!" 

the first time i announced it, my eyebrow girl, eliza (who blogs here), quickly reacted with, "don't worry, i'm health-inclined!!"  this had us all laughing for an hour. what does that even mean? 

***

i had 3 appointments scheduled for the week:

• #1 on monday the 19th for my regular weekly;
• #2 another on wednesday the 21st for an ultrasound and non stress test (NST) to check on baby. dr. f was technically on vacation but was going to be in town on wednesday for a c-section that he had scheduled long before he planned his vacation (he was just going to be two states over in michigan visiting his son). he wanted to personally see my ultrasound and NST results on wednesday while he would be in town;
• #3 another on friday the 23rd for another NST. 

... and i never made it to #2 or #3.

appointment #1

since dr. f was out, i saw a different doc in the practice, whom i happen to really like as well, dr. f2. after examining me, he actually complimented my cervix (i believe it was, "you have a great cervix!"). being pregnant is so bizarre.


after the examination (i had dilated just a smidge more), as he consulted my file, he asked if i wanted to be induced this week on wednesday when dr. f1 would be in town.  this didn't throw me off like it did the first time the idea was introduced.  i was in a better place to think about it and out of curiosity asked what the logistics were . . .

wait-listed
the way this works here at northwestern memorial hospital, is that the doctor can schedule an elective inducement appointment only if the hospital is not already full.  f2 checked and it turned out that the hospital was already full for wednesday anyway (is this a hospital or a hotel?).  doc f2 said that i could always be wait-listed, and then if something were to open up (e.g., someone delivers before their appointment), i would be contacted.

so patrick and i talked about it, again.  after my week 39 appointment, i had read up in the journal of obstetrics and gynecology the risks of inducing early and resulting c-sections in the july issue, which made me feel like turning down inducement at that point was right for us (patrick was all for it, but wanted me to make the decision i felt comfortable with).  but i definitely felt more at ease talking about this option than i did a week earlier, since the baby was now past due and she'd had another week to get ready.  we both also really liked how dr. f was giving us alternatives  on both ends of the spectrum without any pressure (early, past due, waiting as long as possible) and figured the wait-list was a non-commital way to extend our options.

this also gave us time to see how we actually felt about inducing in our particular case.  i still was not 100% comfortable with it.  i also still didn't want to tell anyone about the option, since everyone has their own viewpoint on non-medical inducement and i feel it's such a personal decision.  but i also realized that i was very concerned over what other people would think.  pretty much the only reason i was hesitant this time around was that i worried others might think it was a poor decision.  but at the same time, we didn't even have an appointment, so i stopped worrying about it. 

tuesday
then tuesday came along, and things started to change.  i started getting crampy.  i started feeling more pressure in my belly as the baby moved.  these were signs that my body was definitely getting ready. it was an exciting feeling, knowing that she was making preparations and telling us she would be coming soon.

and that afternoon, we got a phone call from the hospital asking us if we'd like the 5:30am slot!?

yet there was still no guarantee, as we'd have to call at 4am the next morning to see if it was still available (if too many patients came in overnight, they would cancel the slot).  well, should we take it? i definitely felt comfortable with taking the appointment when my body was getting ready on its own already.

so yes, we took the appointment, and it felt much better that we had waited that extra week.  and i was glad that dr. f would be delivering, should that spot remain open come the next morning.  plus i liked that there was still no actual guarantee.  to me, this was perfect ... we went to an early and relaxing dinner and went to sleep still not knowing what would happen between then and the morning.  would i go into labor overnight?  would we go to the hospital in the morning?  nothing was certain. 

wednesday
wednesday morning came. alarm went off at 3:45am. we called.
and they said to come in ...